Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Bombs Away

Yesterday I reinstated the "F Bomb" into my ever-expanding vernacular. It was a rough afternoon with the girls; I just can't seem to deal when they start crying uncontrollably at the same time. One at a time is fine, but two or three at once is, well, worthy of an "F Bomb".

I haven't used this oh-so-versatile curse word with any regularity since the sixth or seventh grade, and then it was just for effect or to impress other potty-mouthed middle schoolers. Now it seems that my afternoons are worthy of the word. Don't get all in a tizzy, folks, I use it under my breath or when I'm alone with two not-yet-babbling babies. My four year old is safe from my momentary outbursts. But I feel like there's got to be a better way. I mean, I am famous for inner monologues of outbursts - whether it be yelling at people who cut me off or yelling at myself when I ram my van into yet another object. I can have the greatest fights with my sweet hubby, filled with ever-so-clever comebacks to his imaginary responses. Maybe this is why I have TMJ, chronic back pain and acid think? There's just got to be a better way.

My mom once told me that on frustrating days she would simply walk out to the backyard, shut the door to the nut house behind her, and scream as loud as she could. I have seriously considered this option, but we live in a townhouse and our yard is not our own. I think people would think I'm nuts. But maybe that's the problem - I'm too worried about what others will think if I go off the deep end. Not that anyone would blame me right now.

So, the long and short of it is that I continue to use whatever means necessary to keep myself sane and keep these three precious ones alive. And if that means dropping bombs under my breath at times, well, then I'm ok with that. I am becoming less concerned about what others think of me, but thankfully still remain concerned with what the girls see and hear from their mommy. Lord, help me!


Julie said...

Drop it like it's hot, Buffy. And maybe instead of the walking out in the backyard, go sit in your van in the garage with the door closed and the windows up. Have a good yell, drop the bombs loudly, and go back inside a new person. Ain't no shame in it.

Julie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robin said...

Buffy - don't know you but still I do.

I get all you are saying and more - feel that you just spoke my own words for me - as of late I have found my language to be horrible - but better than other bad choices - choose your outlet, I say.

I am a friend of Julie's BTW - she says in another time and place we would dig each other - I think that place is here.

I relate sister - more thank you know and have been a secret cusser for a long time now. In the bathroom with the fan going and the toilet flushing is another safe place, as the is car option. personally - I like the under-my breath-while cooking dinner. The time of day is perfect for a tirade - and who can hear you over clanging pans and beeping timers - plus, I am generally pissed at that time of day and need to vent at someone/thing - why not the veggies?

do what it takes to be a survivor.

lesliesloan said...

ummm is dropping the f-bomb supposed to be bad? cause I am in real trouble if it is.

rach to the h said...

buffy! word. it doesn't get any worse than being in uganda and finding i still tend to drop profanities under my breath. the girls look great-way to go Mom & greetings to your 'sweet hubby'. -rachel