It's only been a week since we found out what's going on with Tori, but we've known something was up since she was in the womb. I'm not really ready to delve into the information gathering stage, though I seem to be able to digest one piece at a time. Things are really bugging me right now, though. I am so easily angered - at Maggie, Ian, my belly, bad drivers, whatever. But below are a few things that people say that are really really buggin...
1. "We just have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst" - this little ditty has been floating around ever since they told me at the High Risk doc that Tori was measuring small and might not make it through to birth. One doctor actually talked to us about aborting "Baby B" if it looked like she wasn't going to do well, and if she were endangering the health of "Baby A". What kind of decision is that? Choose one child over the other? How "out of body" to have the word "abortion" even brought up in my pregnancy appointments. So, the hope for the best prepare for the worst saying just doesn't get me anywhere. How can you prepare for the worst? That's like saying, "Just go ahead and try to imagine and feel what it would feel like to have to choose one baby over the other." And now it's like, "Think about what life could possibly be like if Tori is severely mentally handicapped and can't do anything for herself. Go ahead, prepare yourself and feel all those feelings. Now that you've done that, just hope that it doesn't turn out that way." In the meantime, I am a nervous anxious ball on the floor for the next 20 years? I don't think so. NOT helpful.
2. "Oh she's so TINY!" No shiz. I know she's tiny and I know she's adorable and I know she looks like a doll. She really does and she's precious. Normally I bask in the compliments of strangers about my kiddos, but this is just on my nerves right now.
3. "Man, you REALLY had them close together!". Closer than you think, lady. Can't get much closer together than one minute.
I can see myself saying ALL these things to someone else in my situation, so I really shouldn't be dogging them, but I am.
I am trying to cling to Truth -
"They who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint, and their waiting will not be in vain." Isaiah 40:31
"Never will I leave you, nor will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5
"I lift up my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you. He is your shade at your right hand. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm-He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121
Instead of preparing for the worst and hoping for the best, I am trying to choose to prepare for God to show up...hoping for the Lord to be true to His word. He has proven Himself trustworthy.
OK, I feel a little better now.