What am I thinking...

So next week I am doing something crazy.  Crazy for many reasons, not the least of which is leaving my family for a full week.  I know people travel all the time with work or for trips and stuff, but when you're a stay at home mom it's a little nuts to think about just pulling out of the chaos for a week.

I turned the big 4-0 this year and for my birthday I asked to go to this thing called the School of Spiritual Direction led by Larry Crabb.  It's in Asheville, NC at The Cove, which is pretty awesome and fun...especially since it will basically be the only fall or winter I will see all year.  Seriously, there are like no trees in Florida and the ones that are here don't have leaves that change.  It's nuts.

Aaaaaaanyway, the other crazy thing about going on this week is that I can't really describe it.  There are some people who have been that I truly respect and admire their walks with Christ, so I'm really just wanting to be more like them/Jesus.  But I feel like a kid going to YL summer camp..."It'll be the best week of your life," without the money back guarantee.  I am thrilled to be able to hear great teaching under Larry, nervous/thankful for the personal sessions I will have with a counselor there, and excited to wear my fleece jacket.  Most of all, though, I am hoping for some direction myself.  Not that I think I will walk away with a true sense of a new calling (i.e. high paying yet super flexible job), but I am hoping that space will be created so that I can listen.

On the first day that all my kids were in school I decided that I wanted to start things off right so I came home, got my coffee, sat in my red chair and started reading scripture.  But quickly I was moved to begin journaling about the absence of quiet in my life for the past five (nine) years and the deep thirst I had for it that just could not be quenched.  That morning sitting in my living room I could literally HEAR the silence...and it stung my ears...in a good way.  Like a cold fountain Coke that burns your throat on the way down kind of way.  It was glorious and refreshing.  That's what I want more of next week.  More space...and cold Cokes.

So wish me luck and pray for me that I will listen well so that I can come back and love well.

Mmmmmkay...

Been a while...yes it has. Almost a year. That's turrible (said in Charles Barkley voice). Way too much to catch up on, and this isn't a diary anyway so I won't try. I will say, though, that if you heard whooping and hollerin' from the corner of Glenfield Crossing and Eagle Point on August 20th, it may or may not have been me dancing away from the school bus as it took ALL THREE of my kids to school. Seriously? Yes, seriously.

I love those little whipper snappers with all that I am. We had an amazing summer, which I'll get to later, but it was time for school. You feel me, mamas, I know you do. As always, the way we kick off the school year is by yanking our kids out for a few days and heading to Windy Gap for the Women's Weekend. What a blast this year. My mom spoke, and she rocked it! My hilariously talented, insanely goofy, and super hot friend Martha agreed to do program with me...so that was pretty good too. She and I were funny enough but the real show stealer was Maggie. She came up on stage with us on Saturday night, became one of "The Jans" and rapped...yeah, rapped. And not like you might think a little white nine year old girl from the burbs would rap. Um no, she killed it. Well, just here it is...

Sooooo, that's basically what I've been doing for the past year...getting two little divas ready for kindergarten and one not so little diva ready for the big time.  And by big time I mean Windy Gap.  Just praying she decides to "take her talents to the Holy Spirit" rather than South Beach or LA.  Lord help me.

And not to be outdone, Zoe, Tori and the other daughters had a little debut as well:

This year's retreat was even more meaningful than in years past.  I think because my mom, sister, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law, and aunt were there.  And my girls got to see some pretty strong, fun, caring and smart women in their lives do some amazing things.  They got to see their Gammy speak about being who you were made to be, they saw their mom act a fool (nothing new), and their aunts read scripture in front of 300 ladies.  As you probably know, my four sweet friends and I started this weekend nine years ago.  There were only three living kiddos between us at that time, but now there are 13!  We've been busy.  Saturday night at club all of our daughters came on stage with me and Martha, but beforehand I sat down and asked them why they thought we did all this crazy stuff.  They answered that we wanted to make people laugh and have fun.  So true.  I was also able to tell them, though, that when we laugh it opens up our hearts and gives us freedom to understand and experience what is around us...that in a way we were unlocking the door to allow folks to really see, hear, and experience the worship songs and the words in the talks.  Then Emma, one of my BFF's daughters, prayed for us and for the ladies at the retreat.  Wow.  What an amazing mom moment for me.

I've never been on the "votes for women" bandwagon, but I have to say that in Young Life I didn't see many women speaking upfront at camp, but even less women doing program.  Women were allowed to be in the "opera" as the frumpy heroine who becomes beautiful at the end when she falls in love (think Grease without the black spandex unitard).  Not a great picture of the Gospel.  Women were just considered unfunny upfront, and to a certain extent that is true.   We didn't need a woman up there just for the sake of having a woman.  It's just that the "right" women were  not being asked.  And there was no one showing us it could be done.  

Things have changed and I'm glad...not because I think things have to look equal, but because I think things should be good.  Really good.  And sometimes that looks like women making people laugh. 

 I'm just glad that through this women's weekend my four friends and I have been able to show our girls that they can do amazing things when they listen to the still small voice of the Lord...even if He's asking them to do something crazy like share Christ with women by filling up a camp every September.

Can't believe next year is our tenth!  I love you Dana, Anna, Shelly and Linds.

p.s. remind me to never cut my hair like that again

Isn't that Special

So I think I'm officially The Church Lady. I love my church and our friends/community there. It's really a great place to be. Lots of cool, fun people who are all a mess and know it. Our pastors are great, the kids programs are really awesome, and they serve Krispy Kremes between services. Lately I have found myself up there more than I care to admit, though. You see, Ian and I live about 30 minutes from MPC and there are days when I make that trip back and forth three times. If you're following along at home, that's 3 hours in the mini listening to a Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious. The twins are in preschool there (which is the best preschool evah), and I'm on both the session and another committee that meets once a week. I am also doing the moms group, Maggie has kids choir on Mondays, and now Ian has become a middle school small group leader so he's there every Wednesday night. We are the Church People. One thing Ian and I started going to at church recently is a Dave Ramsey Class called Financial Peace University. It's basically a majorly intense video series that kicks your booty into shape financially. So we're living on cash, paying out of envelopes, and trying to wrap our minds around the fact that we can't go to Don Juans for Chicken Flautas whenever we feel like it.

Speaking of flautas, apparantly I've had one too many so I decided I should start Weight Watchers again. So last week I took the plunge and made myself go to one of those dreaded meetings. I hate those things, but the new leader was really good and funny so it was do-able. The first time I started WW I was pretty excited to do it. This time, not so much. Even though it's a new plan, I know what it means, which is basically stop inhaling fries and Blue Bell ice cream on a daily basis.. And that's just no fun, people. So, needless to say, I've been a little bit cranky this week. Lack of sugar will do that to you.

And so will cutting back on your crazy pills. That's right...the third tier of the triple threat...Zoloft. I decided (along with my doc of course cause you just can't adjust that stuff yourself or you will be WHACK!) to try to cut back just a little bit on the big Z to see if that could help me lose some weight. I thought it was going fine and giving me more energy and will power, but it was also making me Angry Mommy. No fun...for them or for me. I could tell such a difference in my temperment, as well as my anxiety. The triple threat was complete...no excessive spending, no excessive chocolate eating, and hey let's try to cut back on the meds while I do all this. Brilliant!

The problem with all this is that they all happened at the same time. I want to be a grown up, people, I really do. But I just can't do it all at once. I'm left with no vices.. I mean how can I give up Target trips for Dave Ramsey, yet not break my WW vows by drowning my consumer habit in Hershey's syrup? Something's gotta give. So, it was the crazy pills. Back up to my normal dosage so Mama can deal with life in a way that won't make her or her family lose their minds.

So incredibly thankful that this is the Truth that is sung over me:

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Pinkarilla and Purparilla

This one's for all the faithful Sleepless in Jacksonville followers who know the ups and downs of my journey with the twins. This ACTUALLY happened today. Do not try this at home. As a matter of fact, don't try it at all. You CAN NOT, I repeat, CAN NOT make this happen. It just happens in one of those magical mothering moments. If this doesn't seem like a big deal to you, well, then, you've completely forgotten what it's like to have littles. Enjoy...

TMI, but I can't resist...

Zoe (my sweet Zo Zo who is too young to have an inner monologue, but I don't think age is going to help her much on that front), walked in my bathroom today before I was completely clothed. She was remarking about by ta-tas and then she asked me, "Did you buy those Mommy?".

No,no I did not. Though I do know people that have...

New Every Morning...

What a week. First day of school was on Monday and the girls did great. Mama did great too. I spent literally two hours cleaning and organizing my LAUNDRY ROOM. Yeah, believe that. Trying to get a little organized for when the kiddos come home and drop their backpacks, lunchboxes, shoes, socks, folders and papers right there on the floor. We do not raise Type A children in this house. It sure would be nice if we had a touch of it, though.

Monday night Maggie came in my room with a headache. The next morning she had a fever, followed by a positive strep test, followed by a full week of bad sickness. I really felt for her...this is the kid who has been through so much over the past 6 months - strep followed by flu followed by bad tummy issues. Bless her heart. Bless my heart. Whew, it's been a doozy.

It's Saturday and she is still puny, though finally eating some and starting to bug her sisters - which as any mama knows is always a good sign. Praying, though, that she will continue to be positive and realize that the Lord's got her as we nurse her belly back to health. Yogurt, probiotics, reflux meds, staying calm. The phrase I kept repeating to her (and myself) this week was, "God's mercies are new every morning." It's amazing how simple your faith gets when you are going through some kind of suffering. I found myself clinging to short phrases of truth, repeating them like a mantra so that I would believe them both for myself and my little girl.

Another big deal this week is that our really fun, really crazy, really dear friend - the Kibbeys - are moving to Singapore (and yeah, you read that right). Last Sunday we had them over for Ian's barbeque, onion rings, potato salad and peach cobbler...followed by a mean game of Michael Jackson Wii. For those of you who are wondering, my hip is fine. It was a bittersweet time but as usual we had a blast.

Thankfully Mindy and I had a chance to visit yesterday and pray for a while. What a sweet friend. She is a total stud and if you're ever in Singapore you would be remiss not to look up this chick and get some time with her!

Here are some pics of sweet memories with this family:










BTW, they have a daughter that we LOVE named Chelsea, but she graduated from high school this year and was not there when we did these shindigs!

Blame it on the Boogie

I'm feeling my age. I know that sounds crazy because compared to other people, like old people, I'm not that old. But this June I turned 39 and for the first time my body is starting to feel different, though my mind refuses to follow.

Case in point: this Mother's Day I asked for one thing...The Michael Jackson Wii Experience. After all, isn't that what we all want in life? I played it a few times this spring, but it wasn't until a late night dance party with my sister and her husband that I really got the full effect of the MJ experience. I had caught the boogie bug in a bad way, so when I got back home the next week I decided to try it again...by myself...in my den...work it, own it, work it. It was fun, it was a workout, and I was awesome.

Until the next morning. I wasn't all that sore, like I thought I might be. Instead, I had this awful pain in my hip. I mean like pain that makes you limp, pain that makes you stretch all day, pain that reverberates all through your legs...then back...then neck. Ouch. I thought taking advil and stretching it out would help. It didn't. I thought wearing my tennis shoes instead of my trusty (i.e. only other pair of shoes I wear) flip flops would do the trick. It didn't. I thought sitting around and eating ice cream would help. It did...a little...but then it didn't.

What is happening to me? I am not bouncing back with the same spring I used to. I've spent quite a bit of time thinking through this over the past two weeks and it just doesn't make sense. You mean to tell me I can't "leave that 9-5 up on the shelf and just enjoy myself" like I used to? Annoying. Really annoying.

And I'm sure it can't be attributed to the fact that I NEVAH exercise and I'm carrying around 20 extra pounds, can it?

I've gotta pull myself together. Everyone says your metabolism slows down when you turn 40 and if that's so then my turtle trot pace will quickly become a snail. What can I do about this, you ask yourself? Two words... Bertha Kelley.

Prepare yourself...I am about to introduce you to a woman that defies all explanation...but I'll try anyway. This woman is on youtube and she makes a video or two almost every day...in her house...dancing...singing...with her karaoke machine...and the two fake deer on her coffee table.

It gets better.

Bertha Kelley lives in the house where my brother in law, Kelly, grew up. Kelly's pastor sent him this link when he found out about the sensation that is Mrs. Kelley. When I first saw it I couldn't contain myself and I watched it for about an hour straight. What an inspiration. I'll just let you be the judge: